Ikea, the test of a marriage, your sanity, and your intelligence

26 Jun 2018

The isles of Ikea always excite me. There’s so many ideas and lets face it, they’re extremely clever on figuring out a way to fit a living room, a bedroom, a laundry area, kitchen and a crafting station in something like 200 square feet. I used to picture Sweden to be a land of tiny houses with extremely angry people starting at instructions on how to put together the dining room table together.

Home staging and Ikea can go a long way. Ikea is stylish and affordable. However, do you really think that orange sofa is going to look good in your 1920’s row home? Will that Expedit shelf look good in your study of your roaring 1950’s colonial?

The answer is: Sure!

You buy whatever your heart desires for your home. If it makes you happy, by all means fill your house with giant beanbag chairs (disclaimer: I will judge you). However, if you’re reading this blog, it means you’re either lost after a random Google search, or you’re looking to have your home staged so you can sell your home for the maximum price!

I personally use Ikea furniture in some homes that I stage. It honestly depends on the style of the home, and, of course, the price.

If I’m staging a 2 million dollar home in Ladue with Ikea furniture, I fully expect to get punched in the neck (and to be frank, I’d deserve it). I’m not saying you have to go buy the entire Spring line at Arhaus but keep in mind, that you are trying to appeal to all buyers. If you’re selling a home that’s going to be geared to a first time homebuyer, it’s completely acceptable to stage the home using a large amount of Ikea furniture. Ikea has some great staples for not only staging, but every day use! The Stockholm line at Ikea is stylish, affordable and seems to be well constructed versus some of their other items.

Now comes the time when you bring home your sofa, dining room table, TV unit, some coffee tables, a few lamps and a case of Swedish meatballs all somehow in the back of your hatchback. You sit down with a big glass of wine with your significant other and you start the evening of putting all of these pieces together.

In the following hours you will most likely experience the following:

  • Confusion: Why are there no words to explain the instructions? Yes the illustrations are cute, but seriously, which bolt is bolt number “A”? And why can’t I find section “B”. Wait, I used section “Z” on section “B”. Wait, how am I already on step 24 and I have yet to find any screws?

  • Denial: I can’t be this stupid, right? I mean its Ikea. I’m college educated! putting people on the moon has to be easier than this. Surely I can figure out how to assemble this TV stand.

  • Anger: This is the point where you’re ready to throw the TV stand out the front door and just use the dogs crate to sit your TV on. This is the point where your spouse has stepped away to Google “quickie divorce “ on their cell phone.

  • Sadness: At this point you have left your home for the corner store to buy more wine. You have just realized you spent more on the bottle of wine than your sofa.

  • Acceptance: This is it. This is how I am going to die, my spouse is going to jab that lamp base right down my throat, put a lampshade on top of it and call it a day.

Ikea, while it may crush your spirit and leave you single, we can all guarantee that if you survive Ikea there is a good chance you’ll make it out of Bed Bath and Beyond alive.